Why?

Why?

Just simply, why?

There's no explanation though.

I don't know why I am afraid.

There isn't anything to be afraid of.

I'm scared, okay?

HATE TO ADMIT IT THOUGH.

I don't change. I like to know. I want to have some idea. I feel so lost. I can't see where I'm going. Or where I'm headed. The future is a moving blur. I just want to know. Why can't anyone tell me. Why don't I know.

And then there's more.

Why do I like you?

Why am I here?

Why don't you like me?

Why so many questions, but no answers?

Amazing.

Today, I found out you are amazing.
I always thought you were quite strange.
Asking me for stange favours, your fetish and how we always play pretend.
I'm in charge by the way
But what you told me today, stunned me.
I would of never expected it in a million years.
Don't get me wrong, you just didn't seem like that type of person.
And, I guess it my fault really.
I always am quick to judge.
I don't mean to, it just happens I guess.
The way we've all been raised.
This is good, this is bad.
That's just the way it is.
And yet again I've been proven wrong, on another person.
So, I apologise,
Deeply.

The howl of the wolf

Shout out to Tianna, who I found out reads my blog :)

Thank gosh, it's friday. But that only means there is like three weeks till exam block
- Gulp.

But, I wore a wolf hat today and it was very exciting. So that makes up for the stress.
I tried to howl like a wolf too, apparently I failed.

You have nice eyes

Your eyes open the door way to your soul and as far as I'm convinced you are a cold hearted, self centered brat. You have nice eyes though.
I do not know how you have deceived me and everyone else around you for so long.
You look so sweet an innocent, but your far from that.
Your lips produce lies just like a factory produces cars;
So many each day.
You like to rub it in my face that you are better than me. Better than me in every single aspect of life.
But whatever you might say, I know that it's not true.

So stop with the nonsense, there is no contest. I don't know what has gotten into you.

In the end I can live with out you.
I've tried before though, I didn't get very far.
Because in the end, I'm nothing without you.
And you do have, oh so beautiful eyes.

I hate mathematics with a passion

When first learning about radians we got issued with a warning. Make sure to check your calculator is on radians or degrees before starting. Just realised that I did my maths assignment all wrong. Instead of degrees, I used radians. I am so mad cause it took me like ages to do. Plus, I found every angle, something we didn't have to do but did anyway.
Arggh, I hate maths.

First impressions never count

People analysing - looking at strangers and classifying them into groups by their clothes, looks, who their with and where they are. I tend to do this quite alot and today I realised that I am usually very wrong. When getting to know the person, they are nothing what I fought they would be right. Maybe, its just me. I might be bad at reading people?
And then I fought, what do people think of me when they first see me? Apparently I looked alot older than I am, but what else do they think? And I guess I will never know.
In the end we all stereotype, even if we don't realise.

-Sigh.

Ooh, I and I got a new follower.
Hello, kristy!

Rofl.

Reni: I want to translate Australian to British.

Kyle: Reni in British means retard.

That right there, made me go on a hysterical high last night at 1 in the morning.

I hate school so much. It is a perfect day outside, might be a bit windy but it looks so lovely. I'm stuck inside doing assignments. Why can't it be the holidays? =(

One strong hot cocoa to go, thanks.

This word or that word?
Where to start?
Ideas floating around in the mind.
With no use, just sounding so detached.
This equation or that equation?
This note or that note?
So many things to do and so little time.
Assignment today, exam tomorrow.
Not knowing where to start.
Uncertainty fills the mind.
Busy, busy, busy.
Tick tock, tick tock the minutes go by.
Hour after hour still nothing done.
Then eventually silence fills the house.
Another day gone by and nothing done.

Dear world,

I have completed my English assignment and I needed to share this piece of information with you. I cannot express my feeling of relief at this very moment in time.

Sincerely,
Reni

The human knot,

So I'm guessing you know all that game where you link hands with someone across from you and try to get untangled?
Well it is definetely not as easy as it looks. The year 11 peer support attempted many times but had no sucess. We always ended up in the same place we started, a big massive knot. Some of us had body parts in positions we did not know were even possible but in the end the day was a whole lot of fun.

Going out to chinese tonight, yumm. Can't wait!
Happy 17th M.

Urges to do somersaults.

Homework can be compared to debt. Don't do it straight away and it just grows bigger and bigger until you cannot keep up any longer. It is only four weeks into the term and I am not able to stay on top of all this work. However, my homework mound is slowly starting to become smaller.

Definition of annoying: Finding the most awesomest, loveliest semi dress on the Internet to find out they don't stock it anymore. I am so mad.

Today was my first peer support training day and I loved it. I couldn't imagine a more incredible group of girls to be part of the team. The day was filled with lots of laughs, fun activities and deep reflection and getting to know our selves. Can't wait till tomorrow's session.

Random thought processes.

Issue 1.
Today, I got my finger nail stuck in between two piano keys. It was quite painful, please don't try it yourself.

Issue 2.
A sense of accomplishment has overcome me. I played my solo successfully at rehearsal today and those 6 bars will not overcome me. Apparently, the determination on my face can be seen when I maintain to hold that high D for a very slow 12 beats with a rit. I might turn purple, but I will hold that note till the end. Yes, just as Mr D said, "poor Renata will pass out over there, might be the first casualty on stage".

Issue 3.
My annoyance with the large amount of homework and assignments I am receiving has seriously become too much. There is so much to do, so little time and too many concepts to grasp. I can not wait till the holidays, 41 days. But hey, who's counting?

Issue 4.
My mother bought me a new jumper today. I saw it at chermside on a manikin like two weeks but there was only an XS. Oh my, I love her so much. She drove all the way to a different centre to buy it for me. Officially ecstatic :D

And finally issue 5.
What is the true definition of selfish and selfless.?These two words are commonly used in the wrong context. Society believes that being selfish is one of the worst qualities a person could possess. Most discoveries and steps forward in humanity are results of selfishness. Being selfish does not mean being greedy, it means putting your self first, speaking your mind. While if someone is selfless they are letting people walk right over them. Being selfish does not make you a horrible person, someone selfish might not let walk people walk right over them but they will be happy to die for you.

Forbidden fruit

When the word "sweetheart" leaves your lips it makes me shiver.
I trust you when you tell me that it's gonna be okay.
The advice that you give me makes my problems seem so petty, irrevelant, so easy to fix.
Your crooked smile brightens my day each time I see you.
Except you are forbidden.
Just like the sweet, succulent apple banned from Adam and Eve. You are my forbidden apple, the one I am afraid to touch, afraid to never try. Unlike Adam and Eve, I know I can't have you because it is just too wrong. Truthfully, it would never work.
And in the end I mean nothing to you, just another Mt A girl.

Now showing at Birch Caroll and Coyle Cinemas

- An advertisement for Mount Alvernia College, featuring me :)


Tis quite a lovely photo of me aswell.

Whilst I am discussing music, today's music class was the first one this year that I actually enjoyed. It seemed to make sense, I understood it and I was happy. I am also quite delighted with my composition, entitled mamma natura, or in other words mother nature. It depicts how nature can be beautiful but at the same time be very uncertain and change from calm and tranquil to dangerous and wild.

Shed no tear

Band rehearsal today was quite awful. I just can't seem to get my part right, I can't seem to get it, I want to give up but I know I can't. The same is with my English assignment, I can't do it. It's not making sense and I am just oh so frustrated. Everything seems like it doesn't make sense anymore. What is the point, there is no sense of spark left in my soul. I just want to throw it away and cry. Cry until there are no more salty, bitter tears left inside of me. Cry like there is no tomorrow. Cry until I am empty and then ready to fill up with new light.
I need a sense of inspiration, a new path to follow, a new mindset. I need a new tomorrow, starting from now.

Sweet Sixteenth.

I have returned from a sleep over party and suprisingly I am not tired.
The night included crazy dancing, a pass the parcel game with a twist, immense amounts of pizza and junkfood, watching movies which sadly; I was the first person to fall asleep but then later woke up, random conversations, photo taking, blanket stealing and laughing.
So thankyou very much, R, your living room provided me with a night of good memories.

I seem to have,

writer's block.

My english assignment is becoming immensely difficult.

I had ...

another strange dream last night involving homeroom, money and elevators.
a bludge in first period when maths was too overwhelming.
a super competitive much moment in chemistry when we tried to beat the other groups.
a patriotic moment when discussing polish customs.
a lunch time where I felt special and part of the team.
a sense of accomplishment during band.
a goold old laugh when going home.

I had, a good day :)

Sweet dreams

The power of dreaming is quite remarkable. Last night my sub concious mind dreamt that I was a fugitive that killed others, robbed banks, fled the state and tried to escape police. It was quite thrilling especially when my father had told me to continue the family legacy and I was trying to escape with my bestfriend but I couldn't tell her what was going on because I was scared she would tell on me. It was truely quite random. I have had strange dreams before, but I think this one will stay with me for a while.

Lets see what dream dictionary thinks of my dream.
To dream that you are arrested by the police, suggests that you feel sexually or emotionally restrained because of guilt. The dream may also be a metaphor that you are feeling apprehensive about something.
Well, I kinda did start to like someone last night before I went to bed. I wasn't really feeling guilty as such.

To see a shooting in your dream, indicates that you have a set goal and know what you are aiming for in life. Your plans are right on target!
I guess I do know what I am striving for but I don't think my sub conciuos mind was telling me about this.
To dream that you shoot a person with a gun, denotes your aggressive feelings and hidden anger toward that particular person.
To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun, suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may feel victimized in some situation.
I disagree with these two, I feel pretty happy and life is pretty swell :)

To see an airplane in your dream, indicates that you will overcome your obstacles and rise to a new level of prominence and status. You may experience a higher consciousness, new-found freedom and greater awareness. Perhaps you need to gain a better perspective or wider view on something.
I agree with this one, I do feel pretty on top of things at the moment.

To dream that you kill someone, indicates that heavy stress may cause you to lose your temper and self-control. Consider the person you have killed and ask yourself if you feel any rage towards him or her in your waking life. Your dream may be expressing some hidden anger. Alternatively, you may be trying to kill or put an end to an aspect of yourself that is represented by the person killed. Identify the characteristics of this person and ask yourself how you do not want to be like him or her.
I didn't know the person I shot, so the first part of this doesn't apply but I think the second part is pretty relevant. I think I killed the "scared, shy and afraid of change" part of myself. I want to try new things, be more out going and have new experiences.

Dreamdictionary my friend, you are pretty spot on this time.

Returning to reality

I am now back from my lovely 2 day holiday down at the Gold Coast and Byron Bay. It was exactly what I needed, living with my adopted family for the weekend, running wild in the hotel room, eating excessive amounts of ice cream and taking so much time to choose whats for dinner. Speaking of which, I feel mega fat but turns out I only put on 200g. I can't wait until next time I get to go away with the polish gang. I always feel so much better after going away and I feel so much better today than I did before I left.

Now, I am ready to tackle my mound of homework. That is the mega down side to returning back home.

So little time

There is something on my mind, but what exactly? I'm not too sure.
I have one of those "something bad is gonna happen feelings." I guess there is no reason to feel this way though. I feel like I am the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, as if I was running out of time and constantly need to be rushed along. But, I am going away for the long weekend tommorrow, so that will give me a chance to get a hold of things.

As hard as I try, I can never get it right. As much as I want it, I will never be choosen. As much as I don't want it, it'll always be me.

Ahoy!

The day has finally come!

Alleluia!

Yes, I have decided to start a blog. Now the only problem? ...

To have stuff to write about and to remember to write.

:D