Blobbbb.

I turned into a blob today.
All I wanted to do was sit. Stupid really.
I feel so sick now and I've had my lazy day.
From now on, no more junk food, no more sitting.
I have more productive things I should be doing.
When I go to sleep tonight , I 'm putting the old me behind.
Tomorrow is a brand new day.

I can smell holidays

Happy Birthday Rebecca!
16th Birthdays, like an array of others mark the milestones in one's life.
When looking in depth at what a 'Sweet Sixteenth' really entails, I really must wish you luck.
In the old days, or if you belonged to a different culture you would now be regarded as a woman. Learn to do woman things, and your sexualality would be explored. Your parents would be trying to find you suitors, so you may make a good wife and mother. Living, however, in today's contemporary society we don't have to worry about things like that.
Except Rebecca, the age 16 makes girls feel beautiful, independent and strong.
Hopefully being 16 will reiterate this for you, cause you have had these qualities a long time.
I haven't been good friends with you all that long but I really do value our friendship.
I trust and I feel I can share things.
Thankyou for being there for me Rebecca :D

Happy Birthday Claudia!
I have known you for quite a while, but it wasn't until last year that I really got to know you.
Claudia you are amazing and I hope you are having the best birthday over in America. Claudia you are amazing, I know I have already told you this at your party, but you seriosuly deserve the best. So have the best damn day you can have today. Happy Birthday! You mean the world to me and I can talk to you about anything.
Thanks for being my friend Claud, I really mean it.

Wow, two Sweet Sixteenth's on the same day. Apparently 9 million people around the world share yor birthday, so this isn't acutally that much of a coincidence. My fingers are cold and numb and typing really hurts. Haha, I'm so lame.

IT IS OFFICIALLY THE HOLIDAYS!
And I will enjoy them very much until I get my report card. My mother will probs freak out when she sees it and won't let me out again. It's not like I'm doing badly, I just know I can do better. I hope I still do alright :) But seriously, lets put school behind us. We need to focus on the positives here. I have nearly 3 weeks of holidays and what better way to kick them off but having dinner with the group tonight. I'm quite excited actually.You know what else makes me excited, I'm no longer a slave :D
Life is goooood :D

High fives all around!

Circles

I need to get this out.
I don't know what going on.
I feel broken.
It's like my life is rewinding, I'm having feelings for people I haven't talked to in ages.
I'm at the same point I was last year in certain friendship.
I feel afraid, I feel guilty, I'm in denial.
The Earth is spinning backwards.
It's not meant to be in retrograde, it is definitely not meant to be like this.
Wanting things that you can't have is unhealthy.
Being scared and lost for words won't get me anywhere.
I need to snap out of this and snap out of it fast.
Not wanting is pointless.
Not trying sets up failure.
Not apologising won't make things better.
I don't know what I'm meant to say sorry for.
I don't know what I've done.
Life is such a mess.
I just want to scream and pray it will be clean in the morning.
I want a break.
I want, I don't know what I want.
Boys are confusing, friendships with people totally different from you are confusing, school is confusing, money is confusing.
I'm confused.
Leave me alone, I want to be alone.
But, I don't know if that's what I want.
I want to talk.
I want to cry.
I need a hug.
This makes no sense. I don't make sense. Everything doesn't make sense.
It's going round in circles, not only this blog, but everything.
I'm back where I was a year ago.
Same people, similar situations.
I'm just not sure.
What's wrong with me?
Why so many questions?
I want to cry, it's not an answer though.
I just want you to be there for me, is that to hard to ask.
I need to take my mind of things, but my mind just keeps circulating about the same things.
I hate circles.
I guess this is a call for help.
Please help me.
Please help me sort this out.
I'm just so sick and tired of everything right now.
Need
to
calm
down.
Need
to
slow
down.
And if I tell myself it will be alright, it will.

Sisters

We meet two years ago, on music camp. Everyone there thought we were sisters but I had no idea who you were. We started talking, and our friendship blossomed and I guess we have been friends ever since.
You inspire me, just like a sister.
You listen to me, just like a sister.
You laugh with me, just like a sister.
You care for me, just like a sister.

Danielle, you are like the sister I've never had
& I love you; dearly.

Dear Claudia,

It was your birthday party last night and I liked it very much.I know that at times you didn't feel this way, you felt the exact opposite but I would just like to say that I'm there for you. That I want to thankyou for inviting me. That I'm gonna miss you when you jet off. That I'm lucky to have you in my life. I tried to express this to you last night, but with all the hustle and bustle it was quite hard, but in the end I do care, I do give a shit and I will always remember the purpose of last night. To celebrate you :)
Love, Renata.

OMG. I ate so much food last night, it was insane and I scrum (is that a word?), screamed so much last night too. I lost my voice but it's back now. Success :D

Guitars

I got a guitar. I have wanted one for quite a while, I seem to have developed a fancy for them. I was playing around with it before, figured out how to play a scale. But it will give me something to do on the holidays. Can't wait!

I would also just like to say that I know belong to Ryan. Even though slavery is illegal in Australia. I have lost to him in mine sweeper flags a number of times. But I will win, and he shall be my slave. Success!
Ahhh, evil laugh would go nicely here.

Omg randomest thing happened. My dinner meat today was in the shape of Australia. It looks really funny too, must upload a photo. However, I have misplaced my phone-computer cable so this must wait till another day.

Today was relatively happy. Stress levels pretty good, no major dramas, weekend is looking exciting.

Perfection

on legs.

Have you ever known people and thought they were ugly, or they were too fat, or they didn't have it in them. It's been a few years and the girl I was thoguht was too fat, too ugly, just didn't have it in her really showed me. She is thin, she is stunning, she has everything she could possibly want. The friends, the popularity, the brain, the looks. She really is perfection on legs. Everytime I see her, I feel so bad, because like many people I thought she was too fat, too ugly, didn't have it in her. She has a new start now, people know her for who she is now, not who I knew her as. I wish, I could change like that. Have the courage, have the brains, have the looks, have the popularity. I wish, that I could be classified as perfection on legs. And show all those people who think I am amount to nothing, that I can change, that I do have it in me, that I am capable. I want to be an inspiration for others, like that girl inspired me.

Long weekend

Ah so it's a long weekend and I have managed to do two out of three assignments. So that's pretty good cause I have all day to do English tommorow. I've been having strange dreams though. Black mail, arranged marriage, failure. I haven't really had anything interesting to blog about lately so I have decided to make a list of things to do for the winter holidays. I had a list of 50 things to do during summer and I completed 48 things I think.

So here I go, winter holiday list.

1. Buy my semi-dress and shoes
2. Hang out with Danielle
3. Challenge Emma to see who can eat the most sour skittles in one minute
4. Go out to dinner with the group
5. Have a sleepover with Emi
6. Go hyper will Marcelina
7. Go horse riding with Allara

That's it for now, I have to think of more interesting things.

Elevator.

Stress levels, are going down.
Hoping to reach ground floor, except I'm not sure if it's possible.
As close I get, its seems someone else seems to hop in and we go straight back up to the top floor. It might take around two weeks to get to ground floor, an awfully long time to be trapped in an elevator.

Gotta keep calm, fire brigade is gonna come,
Gotta keep waiting, gotta keep praying,
Gotta keep trying, just gotta hold on tight.
Nothing bad is gonna happen, gonna get rescued in the end.

Ray of sunshine

Today was better than yesterday, but I think anything would of been better than yesterday.
It was so cold today, and yesterday. I hate winter. It's not even technically winter beacuse it hasn't reached winter solstice and I'm already freezing. Why can't it be spring already?!?!

Had a total stress release session last night; running around playing tiggy with my best friend's little sister on a patch of grass at a random school before debating.
What a mouthful.
Except after yesterday, I feel my happy bubble has burst. I have not felt this empty and venerable since last year. The small things get to me, its hard to focus, I just feel like it's too good to be true.
There's no need for this negativity and I'm trying my hardest to block it out.
One bad day and it ruins me.
I'm trying to get back up, but it's really hard.

Someone graffittied my poster.

Quite cut actually.

And that's the way the cookie crumbles

Today, my cookie crumbled. My whole life crumbled.
It was one of the worst days I've had in a long time.
I spent so much time on the weekend, practising, practising and re-practising.
I wanted my music performance to be perfect. But then, I did what I always do.
I got nervous.
So nervous, that I mucked it up and all that practising went to waste.
All I wanted to do is cry, and I did.
I haven't cried for ages and it felt so good.
But now I feel sick.
My head is whirling.
I cried again later on, we didn't have a team for debating.
I let the stress get to me I guess.
Plus, I have to be 3rd speaker, something I'm a bit scared to do.
That me cry for the 3rd time.
Had a breakdwon in physics, when getting my marks.
The lowest mark I've gotten so far had been an A- so when I saw that C- written in red ink next to my name, I snapped.
Just broke in half, it was enough for me.
Kinda stupid to cry about these things, I guess.
But I couldn't stop.
I told myself it wasn't worth it, it won't achieve anything.
My eyes didn't fool so easily though.
They just continued to release tears to their little desire.
I got a hold of myself after one point, thought no more tears could come.
Then, I just started crying again, back to where I started.
Guess, I wasn't quite over it all yet.
Today was quite horrible, but what's done is done.
I can't go back and change it.
Cause I know I can't.
I'll try harder next time though, even though sometimes it's not my fault.
Things just happen that you can't change.
But you can change yourself, and that's what I'm gonna do.
DO, my music performance on Friday.
DO, my debating speech tonight.
DO, my next physics assignment to the bext of my ability.
And just like Burgen bread implies,
I'm a DO-er, not a GUNN- er.

To top it all off, the elastic in my underwear snapped.