Cabin fever

So this is my fourth day at home and I'm going a bit crazy,
Have to stay indoors incase I have swine flu, hopefully I'll get the results tommorow.
Apparently some people who get swine flu don't get it that bad, that the worst of it is over in 24 hours. I have some sort of virus/flu thing but the fever seemed to pass in the first day, so if it's swine, it's not as bad as they all claim.
Well, I might at least go do something productive, before I go insane.
I would just love to go out somewhere, get some fresh air.
Damn house is too stuffy.

Over myself

In primary school, I was shy. I was always the quiet and smart kid. Never really had a big group of friends just a few close friends and one really good friend. Life was plain and not much went on.
Around year four or five, life began to change.
I became a little louder, not as shy, but a lot fatter. So my personality improved but physically I went backwards. I was happy with the person I had become though, in those days no one really thought about being 'pretty'. We all had frizzy hair and bobs, no one knew what makeup was and we all had pimples, so you got judged on personality. Towards year 7 I turned into a wild child and thought that I would be cool enough for high school, I was smart, I liked to laugh and have fun and was friendly. When I came to year 8, I realised I was wrong.
Looks are pretty much everything.
In these past 4 years I have changed so much physically, but yet people still remember me, from their first impressions, the nerdy fat kid. And now that my looks are different, I think my personality is changing with it. I don't find the need to be eccentric, to run around wild and to laugh all the time. I like being conserved and just taking some time out. I'm kinda over people, turning a bit anti social maybe. But I'm over myself. I'm over looking in the mirror to see what I look like, I probably haven't changed since an hour, three hours, since this morning, I look the same as I did yesterday. I'm over taking photos - I used to believe in documenting everything and everyone paid me out, told me that I'm strange. Maybe I was just insecure wanting to hold onto the present and afraid of the future. The constant negativity from everyone around me doesn't help. It's made me uncertain of things. I don't even know what the real me is anymore. When you change yourself a few times you don't really know. When I go to uni I can have a brand new start - I can the quiet kid, the loud kid, the weird kid. Who knows.
This year I became close with someone and I think it was one of the best things I could of done. She hung out with us for a bit, my group rejected her and I went along with it. She went and joined a new group and didn't talk to me for a bit. This really hurt me and I realised that I had hurt her. I felt terrible, realised I could do this to a person, I didn't even know her. So I decided to stuff my group, follow my heart and get to know her. Turns out, I can talk to this girl about anything, shes in most of my classes, similar ambitions and we can always have a good laugh. I've realised there is no need to follow the crowd, to do what makes me happy. I don't know if she has a point to this story but she's changed me for the better. Help me come to terms with reality.
Or perhaps I've matured, gotten over msn and texting, gotten over eating fatty foods, gotten over fashion trends and spending lots of money, gotten over going out every weekend, gotten over taking photos, gotten over myself.

It not that I don't like you

It's just there's something about you, I can't pin point it though.
Spending time with you, used to be fun. Now it doesn't seem as exciting.
Talking to you, used to be so easy. Now it just feels like a burden.
Have we changed? Is our friendship not as strong?
Maybe it's time for both of us to move on? I want to, leave you, but I can't.
I know it's cruel but deep inside I cannot live without you.
I think our relationship is starting to be a little love-hate, or maybe it always has been but I haven't noticed.
Have I been looking at you with rose coloured glasses all these years?
I am so confused, maybe we can fix this?
But the thing is, you don't even think there is a problem. To you, I'm your best friend.
In your mind everything is fine and dandy, PERFECT, like it has been for the last 10 or so years.
But my mind, sees things completely differently.
My mind sees it very bittersweet.

Herbal remedies

Feeling much better than I did last night.
I'm starting to come to terms with what's going on and to comprehend that it's going to be fine :)
Still really stressed and worried but not that much to go into breakdown.
So peppermint and chamomile tea, st john's wort, valerian, ginseng and ginkgo roots are my new best friends for the next few days. Along with nice relaxing music :)
Who knew herbal remedies could help me feel so much better.
They have magic powers, I swear.
You know what else is funny, most herbs with healing benefits are classified as weeds.
Chamomile, dandelion, valerian, st john's wort - all weeds.
Never judge a book by its cover, cause the world's ugliest plants can do so much.

Seriously wouldn't know what I would do with out you

I don't know what to say, thank you to start with.
Your my best friend and it was quite lucky that you could be with me last night. I don't know how I would of coped with out you. I might be the one lying in hospital instead. Due to depression, anxiety, stress a nervous or anxiety attack. You hugged me when I cried, you brushed away my tears, helped me comes to terms with the fact that it's going to be okay. You took my mind of it, distracted me, stayed up with me, laughed with me and talked to me. Did everything right, everything that I needed and wanted. I love you so much, your my other half and just like you said last night, I could not, EVER, imagine my life without you in it.
Friends for 16 years, friends forever.