Does it look like I'm okay?

There so many things I wish I could say, so many thoughts that never make it from my brain to my mouth. There we so many times today that I didn't say what I was thinking. So many times that I just said what people would want to hear, what people expected to hear. I don't usually make a fuss, but I wish I did.
I'm so over it, I just wish we could have some fun, but if you don't want to I'm not gonna force you. But one day, you will realise that I was right, that you should of tried harder, should of done what I said. Whatever, seriously it's your loss anyway. I cried about this, I know it's corny but I'm not afraid to admit it. So that's it, I'm giving up trying, do as you please.

Keep your mouth shut

In simple terms, I don't want to be like you.
As much as I love you, I disagree with you.
This might sound hypocritical, we all have our enemies.
But I can't stand the way you treat her.
It's wrong. I can't stand the way you treat people altogether.
Why can't you keep your mouth shut? Is it just too hard for you?
You hurt people, you manipulate people, your cold.
I don't wanna be like you at all, hopefully I never will.

Mushy Brain Sydrome

All I wanted to do today was sleep. Just pause time and take a deep breath.
It would be so nice to fast track three weeks, to skip all this stress and magically appear after exam block. All assignments would be done, exams would be completed and I would be happy :)
I'm just so over it, I just want to give up, quit trying and just hope for the best.
Unfortunately it's not that easy - I can't do that, it won't end well.

I just want a good night's sleep, some energy and a brain wave.
These three things will make me work to my full potential, I can't remember the last time I had all three at the same time.

Waltz in A minor

Trying is over rated.
The harder I try. The more it falls apart.

It's nearly Springtime

Dear Winter,
It appears that you have made my life miserable once again.
With the chilliness and swine flu, I have to say you are my least favourite season.
However, today is simply beautiful and I hope it stays like this.
Nice and warm and bright.
Goodbye winter, you know very well that I'm not one of your biggest fans.
I would prefer if you never came back, but I know that's not possible.

Sincerely Yours,
Renata

The Calorie

Never under estimate the importance of the calorie.
Sure people watch their calorie intake, so they won't get fat but seriously you need energy.
The 40 hour famine made me incredibly tired, amazingly weak and ever so sleepy.
I'm one of those people that does watch their calorie intake, but you don't get very far without energy.
I can eat in 47 minutes! Hurrah!
I actually feel really good, that I didn't give up and that I could do the 40 hour famine.

Hunger bites ... BITE BACK!

I do alot of community service through school but this time I wanted to do something real.
In the past year, over 100 million more people have been affected by a food crisis. One small meal a day. Sometimes it means no breakfast, no lunch, no snacks, no drinks, no dinner. Nothing.
There are over 900 million chronically hungry people around the wold and 1.4 billion living in extreme poverty.

18 hours into the famine, I'm not hungry yet, just very tired and weak.
It's amazing how kids in Africa can do this everyday. I'm not eating but I get to sit at home, where it's cool. Kids in Africa can't do that, they have to walk for miles in search of clean water.

I'm doing the famine, yet I get access to clean water when I want. I'm doing the famine but I don't have to walk in the hot sun for hours. I can't imagine what their lives would be like because even by doing the 40 hour famine it's still not enough. I can't imagine what it would be like to live in poverty.

The famine has opened my eyes though. That is real. Hopefully the money I raised can help support some kids, who have nothing.
Kids, who simply aren't as lucky. Life is dependant on fate, any of us could of been one of those kids. Any of us could not have access to food everyday. Any of us could not have access to fresh water. Any of us could of had a life that ended before it even started.

As complex as a rubix cube

I'm having the urge to blog today. It's not that I'm stressed or upset. I'm just hoping that someone reads this and maybe that person can understand me better than I understand myself. I just want someone to talk to, to have another half. I'm so over being single, maybe I'm falling into desperation, on the verge of insanity.
The world is full of so many amazing people and sometimes I wonder, why I cna't be amazing to them? Love is complicated, life is complicated.
I am complicated.
So please solve me, I know I'm tricky,
but don't give up just yet.

Wish upon a star

I saw you again today, and your crooked smile.
The one that makes me a bit giddy and makes me giggle.
I can't help not think about you, your just so irresistible.
When you talk to me, it feels like the whole world disappears and its just us.
The two of us, together.
Oh, how perfect that would be.
I'm not sure if I've blogged about you before but I wish you could read this.
Wish that you could know how I feel.
Wish that you felt the same way, and that you could be mine.

Your beautiful to me

I just feel like yelling.
Yelling what exactly? I'm not too sure.

Maybe that I like you, maybe that your taken and I can't have you. Maybe cause your not someone that's 'right' for me. Maybe it's because I'm jealous and every time I see you together, I wish that was me.

There's something about you, that fascinates me, that intriges me. Your face, is beautiful. The way you think, is captivating. The way you smile, is adorable. The way you touch me, makes me tingle.

Why can't I be perfect, why can't I be like you. So our brains are in sync, that we think in the same way. I want to be perfect, but to you. Wished I looked attractive to you, wish you could fall in love with my personality. Wish that I was perfect to you, like you are perfect to me.

Heaven on earth

Last night was amazing.
From the moment I woke up, I knew that today was the day. I had that feeling, an over whelment of excitement. Everyone look stunning last night, the room was full of different colours, everyone had a smile and everyone had that feeling too, that the night was going to be good. However, there was something missing, not a physical element, but a part of me.
Do my curls, really energise me? Does straight hair make me more sensible?
Because for that short moment of last night, I did not feel like myself. I felt a bit dull and lifeless and sensible - not something I experience alot. Then something happened and I felt like myself again, it was like having an out of body experience. But I still feel there is something missing, a person, a friend, myself.
Last night, other than that short moment I felt like myself. Right now, I feel like someone else.
That feeling that you get in the bottom of your stomach, telling you something is not quite right - I have it now. I've had it for a while. I want it to go away.
I want everything to be right and to fall into place.
I wish, it could be how it was, except better.
Without the stress, without the fear, with the tension.
I wish, everything could be how it appears in my mind.
In my mind life is perfect. Life is easy, there is no pain, there is no hatred.
Some may think I'm describing heaven, but my mind, is my little piece of heaven
My piece of heaven on earth.
I don't know how I relate last night to heaven, but my feelings of euphoria and complete joy last night made me, feel like me, once more.

LOST

Near new, only once used, very loved mascara.
Green packaging, last seen tuesday.
If you can read my mind and tell me where I left it,
please do so.
Thankyou :)

you make me smile

it's odd, how sometimes you see people in a different light.
that you can forget what they look like on the outside,
but see the inner beauty they have within them.
i've never seen your beauty before, but i like it.
you make me smile, you make me wanna be around you.
the way you talk to me makes me giggle, and i like it.
i really do.
the small things add up and i see the big picture,
the amazing person that you really are, but just haven't noticed before.

love you, always.

i'm worried about you.
please don't do anything you'll regret.
love you, always.
don't bail on me just yet :)

i'm really sorry.
i didn't mean to lash out.
love you, always.
forgive me and let me have another chance.

i'm thinking about you.
you always make me smile.
love you, always.
let's just have fun and enjoy the time we have together.

go away.

I don't blog as much as I used to.
There's nothing really to blog about, I'm kind of neutral at the moment you see.
I'm not happy, nor am I sad.
I'm really just plain old, stuck in the middle, me.
But there is one thing bugging me, have you ever wanted to tell someone to leave you alone?
To just go away and to never talk to you again, I'm such a push over and I can't cause I don't want to hurt their feelings. I need to learn to stand up for myself, and just be blunt.
So here goes, "You see, I don't like you. We should go our separate ways and never speak to each other again. Yeah? Kay thanks bye."
In my head it is as simple as that.

less than two weeks till semi.

am i excited? i really don't know.