Cocoon

Lately, I've been feeling a bit uncomfortable. Uncomfortable with what I had become, I didn't like it one bit, so I tried to remove myself from that situation. But with this whole 'finding yourself'' thing I've been distracted and now I'm scared I'm not working hard enough.

In all honesty, this is year twelve and I've heard people say, 'Screw my parents, they don't know anything. I'm not going to try anymore and rebel. See if I care if I fail'. However, what I found most shocking is that people think that having a social life and failing will make you happy. Well it might make you happy now, but the whole purpose of year twelve is to get to uni and not become a cleaner. To make things for yourself later on. I don't know what thoughts are going through my mind right now, but they aren't thoughts associated with motivation or working hard. I'm scared that I'm not taking things seriously enough.

I didn't like what I was, I don't like what I am right now and if I don't change I won't like what I will be. I want my old self back, the happy me, the relaxed me. I'm in transition at the moment and that mostly indicates that I will be lonely, I might be there but I might not fit straight away and until I do, it will be hard. I'm going from a caterpillar to a butterfly, but right now, I'm in a cocoon. But in essence, a cocoon is a lonely place. And I'm scared that with holidays coming up, I will be forgotten and left alone in my cocoon. I don't want to be forgotten, I don't want to be lonely or awkward. I just want to be accepted and loved, like anyone else.