Recovery

It's been about two months,
two months since that night.
Thinking about that night that still makes the hairs on the back of my necks stand on end and makes my heart beat that little bit faster.
I don't really know what happened to me, I guess I thought I was fine. Turns out I was pretty wrong. I thought I could convince myself it was going to be alright, I tried to find a distraction, tried to be happy, tried to be strong, tried to over work myself to not be able to think about reality. It kinda made things worse, with the not eating, the stress, the not sleeping, the crying, the everything. I made myself into, that thing, that dead life less blob. I made myself into the depressed, the antisocial, the fatigue filled person I was. It started to take over, the stress, the tiredness, the feelings - it was all too much. I let myself go and I got sick, but now I'm getting over it. Not only is my body feeling better, but so is my mind. I can think again, I'm glad to know I have my brain back. I've been going downhill for a while but it wasn't till that last week that I started to notice, only began to realise what has been going on for two months. It's normal to go into a bit of depression after a shock event but now I feel better and not just better cause my cold is gone, but getting rid if that weight that was stopping me from living, stopping me from functioning, stopping me from being remotely human. So bye bye feelings of sadness and oppression and hello happiness.

I am going to do well this exam block -
I am going to work to the best of my ability and be happy - happy with myself and know that I worked to my full potential and if I don't do so well - there will be next time and it's not the end of the world.
There is no need to be so caught up with this, so stressed, so pressured.
Seriously, whatever happens happens.