About a week's worth of thoughts

This month, has been a slow blogging month.
I've been busy but also I haven't had much to say.
I'm starting to feel better about stuff, about the illness, about her being here with us. It's hard though, seeing someone so ill, in so much pain, someone you love but can't help. Seeing someone like that everyday, knowing that you can't do anything - it hurts so much. I don't want to sound self centered or anything but I block it out. I try to concentrate on other things, so I don't have to deal with the pain. It's going to be worse though, when she's gone. The pain will be too strong, but I'm starting to come to terms with this gradual down fall. I'm learning to understand it, to accept it. So that's my story there really, I just rather not think about it, probably why I don't blog about it.
On a lighter note, I'm happy with how I am going in school. I've learnt to cope with pressure and I like pressure because I know that pressure turns coal into diamonds. I know it's bad to put extra pressure on yourself but it makes me do better, try harder, it makes me succeed. I know that with some added pressure, I can shine - just like a diamond.
It's also to do with keeping a clear head, not getting caught up in the social circle of everything. Just focusing on the important things, these two years are important, they determine my career. I can have fun later, go out later, do stuff later. On the holidays, in the years after I leave high school. I know what I want to do and I can also feel it, smell it, touch it. I want it so bad and I will not give up. So excuse me if I'm being anti-social, I just have a goal. That is something I'm not ashamed of, pay me out all you like, because in 10 years time it won't matter if we didn't shopping on the weekend, or didn't go to all the dances, or that we didn't hang out enough - because I will be exactly where I wanted to be and what about you? Where are you? You don't even know do you, because you never had a goal.
Some other stuff has also happened in the time that I haven't blogged - I suppose I don't hate you. I don't really know how I feel. Sometimes I just want to leave it all behind, including you. But sometimes I want to cling onto all of it. I'm caught in the middle and until I understand what I want, I will be double sided. I just can't make up my mind.